souvenirs from better times

I missed a call from a friend in Africa the other morning and I realized that its been over a year since I left and I have still been too much of a coward to call my host family and just show them that I care.  Its not that I got here and forgot them or didn't need them anymore, its just that its painful to think that they're there and i'm here and there's probably very little chance that I will ever see them again...ever.  And that hurts too much to make it real by calling them and hearing them and talking of hope and ending with "see you soon" and pretending that i'm not collapsing inside with grief while we greet and pretend our lives still make sense to one another.  

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