humbled

Happy New Year friends!  I wish each and every one of you a fabulous and wonderful 2012, filled with happiness and adventures!  While I know that I should not focus on the negative, I have a bit of unloading today, but I promise I will end on a positive note.

I had a bad day at work today.  That is rare for me, but sometimes it happens.  I should explain that my vocation of the moment is hostess and bar tender at a family restaurant at a ski resort.  Today I was hosting and it went badly, not because we were overly busy or overly slow, not because of anyone in particular or any one thing; today was bad because a lot of factors were working against me.  I am over tired from working noon to 1am yesterday, and to make matters worse I spent my morning on a (much needed and well enjoyed) 2 hour hike straight up a mountain.  At work everyone was tired from the crazy holiday week we just worked and everything was that much more difficult because we were all feeling a little burnt out.  So there we all were putting on happy faces and greeting hungry customers while in our hearts we all just want to be in our beds having a quiet and relaxing Sunday night.

All of this, added to the fact that things were not as busy as they have been in the recent past, created a bit of negative energy in the dining room.  You see the hostess (myself on this lovely evening) is the one who determines who sits where, and ultimately which servers get tables and when.   Now if I make a mistake in my rotation, or if a group requests a different table than the one I have in mind, or if there are a lot of large parties that can't fit just anywhere, or if families don't want to sit in the pub, or if everyone wants to sit in the pub; all of that effects the flow of restaurant traffic.  And tonight that happened, I sat someone out of turn on accident, and then when I tried to seat the next server no one wanted to sit in the pub, people moved tables, we had several huge walk-in parties, and in the end the numbers were wildly uneven and several servers were very grumpy.

Grumpy servers have only one person to blame, because they can't blame the guests for wanting to sit elsewhere, and they can't blame their manager for putting them in one section or another, so they blame the host.  I remind myself frequently that it is not a personal attack, it is just a venting of frustration; but still at the end of the day, it hurts when it feels like someone is attacking your ability to perform your job.  When I left tonight I spent my 25 minute drive home reflecting on how the night went and I realized that being a host is a more difficult job than I had thought.  It seems so simple and straight forward but the happiness of not only the customers, but also the servers and even, at times, the kitchen, depends on how you do your job.  This realization was very humbling for me.  Hosting was supposed to be a cake walk for me.  It was supposed to be my easy job to fluff up my paychecks in between bartending shifts.  It has instead become the stressful half, and worse, I can justify that stress.

I'll just come right out and say it, tonight some servers made me feel like I am bad at my job - which hurts because I try so hard to be good and proper about how I distribute the tables.  I thought about it and decided that the servers just might not know how hard it is to tell people where to sit and expect them to stay put, and that in turn made me feel as though I could have at some point made someone else feel as though they were bad at their job because I had written their job off as easy when I didn't really know.  So here I am, humbled by the fact that I might not be the greatest at hosting but also learning that not all simple jobs are as simple as they seem.

It's a new year and I'm not going to make a resolution I can't keep like finishing my one photo peer day project or losing 10 pounds, but I do resolve this: I will do my best in 2012 (and beyond) to never criticize the performance of a person whose job might include complexities that I don't completely understand.  Everyone has their own hurtles and making someone feel small or inadequate is not going to help them perform better at work.  Kindness and understanding are infinite resources with much more power than many people have ever realized and I promise to be generous with both.

Happy 2012 everyone!

Taiwan and belated thanks givings...

Here I am, home again, after a whirlwind of adventure in Taiwan to celebrate the engagement of my brother, Cory, and his girlfriend (who is now his fiance!), Hsaio-Han.  I had a great time on my trip and I learned a lot about Taiwanese and Chinese culture, which I have had limited experience with in my adventures thus far.  We had many family meals with Hsiao-Han and her extended family, including lots of authentic Taiwanese food, Japanese food, Thai food, and more.  I continue to be blown away by the hospitality and generosity of each new culture that I experience.  I had a wonderful time getting to know everyone and was very glad for our gracious hosts who translated for us, showed us around, and right from day one, treated us like family.  We'll have some big shoes to fill this spring when it is our family's turn to host them.  It is customary in their culture for members of the family, such as uncles, aunts, and cousins, to want to treat the guests of their family members to a meal during their stay.  We were spoiled, truly spoiled, during this trip and when it was time to leave I had no words that were worthy of the thank you I wish that I had been able to articulate.

In my travels and adventures through life thus far I have seen families in Africa host friends and family members to the point that they could barely afford to feed themselves, go miles out of their way to walk me to work when they had only to walk half that distance to get to their own, give up their own plans to help keep me safe in mine.  In Taiwan I watched family help family by loaning an apartment for us to stay in, loaning our hosting family a van for our transportation, treating us to dinner, helping cart us all around, and most of all never making us feel like an imposition.  In Saint Thomas friends brought me fresh fruit and veggies while I was working the desk, gave me rides or allowed me to borrow a car to get anywhere I needed to go, treated me to many meals and drinks when money became tight for me, and generally appreciated and treated me like family, all by people I had known for all of a month (and also by Nicole, whom I have known and loved since we were assigned to be roommates freshman year in college...love you apple-bottom-whiskers!)  In California I was offered several different home-stays while searching for a place to live, I was picked up and put up by friends when my car broke down in the middle of the road, I was given rides and places to stay, taught the area and shown around by almost strangers just because I was new and had no one else to rely on.

Traveling never fails to remind me how lucky I am in all ways - I have fantastic parents who will take me in whenever I run low on money and want to live without rent for a bit.  I have fantastic family members who will get up at 4 am to drive us to the airport without batting an eye.  I have fantastic friends who have taken care of me so many times and in so many ways I don't even begin to know how to list them all.  I have had the opportunity and the freedom to go to college, get an education, find what I am good at and find what makes me happy.  I have the freedom to live at home and bar tend on the weekends for a few months in order to be able to turn down high paying jobs that bring in to question my moral values.  I have created a life for myself that allows me to move and travel and try new things whenever I want to, that has allowed me to find my passion, and to work my way towards it.  Sometimes I take that for granted, I try to reach beyond my means because I am so used to being caught before I fall, so its important that every once in a while I stop and take a look around and realize how much I have been given, and how much I should be thankful for.  This Thanksgiving I was on the opposite side of the world, so far removed from all the "normal" Thanksgiving traditions, and yet the day still managed to remind me to give thanks for all that I have.  So thank you, to my hosts, my family, my friends, and to everyone who has helped me along my way.  I know that I never hesitate to ask for help from friends and family when I need it and I hope none of you will ever hesitate to ask me for anything either.

Some pictures of my fabulous trip to Taiwan:

The Mother Land

So here I am, home again.  Back in Vermont for some R&R followed by who knows what...the world, once again, is my oyster.

I had a fantastic time in Florida, we went parasailing and watched dolphins play and got fake tattoos.  We visited the sponge docks (like little Greece!) where sponge harvesters collect sea sponges and hang them from their boats to bring in and sell.  We had lunch at a Greek restaurant that was DELICIOUS even if I did pronounce everything on the menu incorrectly.  We went out to see Footloose at the movie theater and I tried to wear Becky's high heels and failed miserably ("You look like a dinosaur!") and then got a little footloose myself and walked out of the theater barefoot.  The whole trip was amazing, I'm so glad I got to be there for Becky's birthday and hang out with her for a whole week!  I miss her terribly again already though...maybe I'll just have to move to Florida!

Next on the agenda after Florida was a night in Plattsburgh (my old stomping ground!) and I got to spend the day with Miss Jillian, whom I love dearly and really enjoyed seeing, but I wish I could have spent more time with her.  I met up with my lovely friend Jen in the evening and we met our other wanderful friend Merry out for dinner that night.  Then Jen, Merry, and myself attempted to do some dress shopping, I failed miserably but Merry, who had no occasion to buy a dress for at the time, found a beautiful red one that she HAD to get because it looked amazing on her and was on sale....so thus came about my formal Christmas party!  I'm going to have to throw a party this year so that she can wear her dress and I can wear mine, and hopefully so that I can see all my friends.  Plus, I can bake up a storm and we all know how much I love to bake!

Anywho, after Pburgh I headed back home to good old VT where I have been job hunting, semi unsuccessfully...yeah, I did get some positive responses, yeah, they are unpaid.  Why is it I can always land the jobs that don't pay but somehow can't get a well paying job for my life?!  You'd think with all my volunteer work I would have earned one by now...although I guess I did get one almost without trying and I pretty much turned it down because the good money is in the work I just can't see myself doing.  Case and point: oil field work.  Nope.  No thanks.  Not super interested.

So here I am, at home, taking pictures, baking bread, walkin dogs, applying to schools and jobs, and getting ready for a trip to Taiwan.  I'm so excited, this is going to be a blast!  And I get a sister (in-law) out of the whole deal so that's exciting...I've always wanted one of those!  Anyway here are some pics from VT so far, Taiwan pics coming soon (early December, when I get back!)

Full moon, long shutter speed, sweet tree!

Dog's head falls, where the dogs and I spent the 70 degree day we got this week.

Josey, cooling off after our 6 mile trek on the rail trail.

Rail Trail!

We've never been this far before, so many new places to explore!

Onward and Upward

I have officially departed St. Thomas.  Bittersweet as always, I look forward to moving on but if I wasn't sad about leaving than I would have done it a long time ago.  I had a great time with a lot of great people whom I will miss intensely.  I learned a lot about hotels and hotel management and island living, and so much more.  I get a little misty every time I think about the fact that I can't just pop over to St. John on my day off anymore, every time I think about what I'm going to miss this winter (Gremlin's Birthday first and foremost, but also the beginnings of my friend's new business, all the boat trips, discovery days, and local events), whenever I think about all the fantastic friendships that I made there, and every time I consider how freaking cold it's going to be at home!

So here I am, unemployed and adventuring once again...first big question I need to tackle: to go abroad again or stay in the US...or maybe another US territory...Guam anyone?  Next:  to grad school or not to grad school?  And finally, if yes on grad school, what exactly do I want to study?  I know I already have plenty of options open with just a bachelor's in engineering and if I study something different but similar it would open up new doors without closing existing ones - so for me that would be ideal, the more doors the merrier!  I love doors!  Options are my favorite, except for times like now, when I am paralyzed with indecision at all the options that I do have.  I think the most important thing I need to remember right now is that all of my options are not going to pan out, that's life, so perhaps I should just apply for every single thing I am considering and see what I get before I get too caught up in making up my mind.  For that I will need a list of everything I want to do (or what I want to do the most right now because I'm pretty sure making a list of everything I want to do is impossible...because I would like to do everything eventually...) So here goes:

Grad School - either here or abroad, in an environmentally or developmentally relevant field either in the state or abroad....if I go abroad I would like to go to either England, Ireland, Australia, or perhaps Poland or Belgium or somewhere else entirely....

Job - entry level environmental engineering job...sounds tempting but also very scary because that had the ring of career to it, and if I'm finding something career worthy I damn well better love it.  So in this area I have every right to be, and definitely will be picky.

Volunteer - You all know my Peace Corps term got cut short...it was pretty devastating in the moment, but now that I've had a few years to work and travel and generally work towards recovering from that, I think I might be up for another go...I also adored AmeriCorps and would be just plum thrilled to do that again for the right opportunity as well.

Short Term Job - temporary solution, all about having money in the here and now.  Tempting, as something to hold me over in the moment, but also tough to commit to because it can make things so easy in the moment that its hard to move on to the bigger future-making and goal-relevant type ventures.  I have done this a bunch of times (ie. Seasonal trail guide, UPS holiday helper, sales person at pet store, grocery store sale tag changer, etc) and every time it gets me through the moment but also slows down the real hunt for my next adventure (with the exception of the grocery store one, I hated that job so much it made the hunt for a new adventure more furious and I put in my notice 3 weeks early because I just couldn't wait).

And those are just the broad categories of options, within those categories there are a million possibilities!  I love potential, it's like all the things you are capable of being and doing quietly waiting for you to reach out and pick one thing to strive for.  The important thing is that whatever I do next I give it all I've got, and learn everything I can from it, because that is what life is all about!

Wondering what I'm doing now?  Hanging out at my friends place in Tampa, FL, dreading my return to the great frozen north, and playing with her puppy dog while she's at work.  Got a few excellent shots of little Gizmo yesterday...included below.  Taking pictures is my favorite.  Someday I'll make that my job, when I win the lottery.  For now - Gizmo glamour shots are still a hobby!

New Adventures!

As usual, my enthusiasm is building for new adventures and the possibility of more fulfilling work.  I always start a job hunt with such optimism!  Of course there is no other way, optimism is essential to surviving the semi-employed life.  I took (and totally owned) the GREs on Thursday and while I don't get my official scores until November, I'm (as usual) pretty optimistic.  I'm hoping to meet with professors at a number of different grad schools until I find a program that will (1) let me work outdoors for the rest of my days, I just can't bear to be a full time desk jockey for any kind of long term assignment, (2) inspire me and encourage me, I just want to do good, rewarding work.  Is that so much to ask? And (3) not double my student loans, ideally I'd like to get rid of those suckers some day, and unless I stop adding to them that may never happen.  So, onwards I go, to work or grad school, or to study and take the FE in the spring and then get an engineering job, or to do or go wherever else the wind might take me.  I can't wait. 

I'm leaving this beautiful little rock in the middle of the ocean known as St. Thomas in just under 2 very short weeks to go celebrate a friends birthday with her in Florida and then on home a week later.  I'm looking for work in Vermont so I can put some money away while I am living at home and keep working on my student loans.  Money down here has gotten quite tight and it was certainly time to throw the towel in.  So now, during my final 2 weeks, I am trying to get as much last minute  adventuring in for as little cost as possible, all the while also trying to work as many hours as possible to put away a bit of cash for Florida.  My life is a fabulous give and take resting on a delicate balance of funds and possibilities that I just adore.  I have never once gotten in over my head, I have learned my limits and limited my spending and worked hard to become as financially independent as possible and loved every minute of it. 

So now, back to the old job hunt and back home to bake some bread and walk my doggies, and to try to work my butt off, if I can find a job that will let me.  See you soon Vermont, in all your below freezing glory.  Goodbye beautiful Caribbean, white sand beaches and shiny sunshine...you're amazing, but just not for me.  I can't wait to have seasons back! 

An Airplane over Charlotte Amalie Harbor

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

I'm not sure where September when, but today's date assures me that the month is pretty much over, despite my disbelief.  And with the close of September comes the close of my time here in St. Thomas.  I have made the extremely difficult decision to leave (despite several lucrative offers to stay) after completing a person budget and coming to terms with the fact that living here at this stage in my life is not a wise financial decision (damn you student loans!).  So, once again, it's home for a regroup and new plans coming soon.  This time, more than any other, I am seriously considering grad school as a possible option (because I obviously don't have enough student loans already...) and have even gone so far as to sing up for the GRE.  I'll be one of the very first lucky idiots to be taking the new revised test, so grad school admissions folks - if you are reading this keep in mind that scores ALWAYS go down after a major change in the test, I'm smarter than my score will most likely make me look.  Reassuring right?  Not.

So, here I am, as per my usual, standing at the precipice of some new big adventure, waiting for the fog to clear and show me just exactly what it will be.  For now it's memory sharing time, here are the things that St. Thomas allowed me to check off of my bucket list: 

1. Live on an island.  Self explanatory, awesome, enough said.
2. Take a picture of a lightning bolt.  We all know I'm a photography nerd so this was a very exciting development for me.
3. Snorkel in the Caribbean.  Spotted eagle rays, brain coral, sea turtles, starfish, tropical fish, urchins, and awesome-ness.  
4. Night Snorkel in the Caribbean.  Bio-luminescence is amazing, underwater flashlights are fun, and big shiny silver tarpin fish are not sharks.  Phew.  
5. Island Hop!  St. Thomas, St. John, Jost van Dyke, Tortola, and more.  Boats are fantastically fun toys in the islands.  
6. Enjoy fresh Coconuts, straight from the tree.  And watch very talented West Indian Rasta guys scale palm trees like they're playground toys.  
7. Experience a tropical storm/almost hurricane first hand.  Exciting, except not, when you work at a hotel these things usually mean canceled flights, equating to a very busy night in the office checking in disgruntled travelers in howling wind and pounding rain.  
8. Hiking to gorgeous views and plantation ruins, read about the history of the ruins and the islands.  Did you know that slavery was abolished in the USVI several years prior to it's abolition in the states, but several years after it was abolished in the BVI (British Virgin Islands).  Brave souls used to build rafts, steal away in boats, and some even swam the short distance from St. John to Tortola; anything for freedom.  
9. Share this adventure with my mom!  Very cool for my mom to get to come down here and experience this crazy place with me, it's the first time on of my immediate family members has been able to visit me on my travels and it was a really neat thing to share.  
10. Ride a ferris wheel on top of the world.  Or so it felt, swirling around on the edge of the steep hill that is paradise point.  
11. Night swimming; swimsuits optional.  Late night skinny dipping on secluded beaches with silly friends to cap off a fun night out?  Count me in!

I'm sure there's more but I'm too lazy to continue - the point is, I've had a very good run here.  Nothing sad about it ending, I'll come visit again someday and for now I have nothing but new and exciting things to look forward to.  I'm a lucky lucky girl.

 

 

Me, Myself, and Irene

Time for my monthly blog update - St. Thomas + me + blog = failure.  I just can't seem to update this thing regularly, despite the fact that I'm sitting at a desk in front of a computer for close to and sometimes over 40 hours per week.  Anyway, here I am now, halfway through a grueling 12 hour work day with almost nothing to do at all, and I thought maybe I should put some time into updating this thing.  By the way, when did it get to be September?  My goodness where is this year going?

A lot has happened lately, happy and sad.  Irene came ripping through Saint Thomas and all my friends and family up north were calling and emailing to make sure I was alright, then, not even a week later she hit the north and I was emailing and calling all of them.  Somehow I thought down here in the warm Caribbean waters I would get the worst of the storm but it seems she was just getting started down here and she really did her damage far to the north.  Fortunately my family is all fine, and none of their homes were destroyed.  Unfortunately my friends in NY were not so lucky.  The town of Keene was hit very hard and had significant flooding.  The AuSable River, normally flowing at about 220 cubic feet per second this time of the year, reached an incredible 48,500 cfs in under 18 hours (check out the impressive hydrograph here).  The damage was catastrophic.  In Keene roads were wiped out, the fire station was washed away, homes were lost or buried in mud, families were stranded as their roads and driveways washed out.  In Willsboro power was lost and roads were washed out.  In Vermont entire towns were flooded, homes lost, downtowns under water.   My dad is up in Waterbury for the day volunteering and I dearly wish I could be there to help him.  If you'd like to help him, or folks in your town, here are some places you might look:

In New York State:  The NY Red Cross is coordinating volunteer efforts in all the towns in desperate need, contact them to find out more: www.nyredcross.org

In Vermont: You can always contact the Vermont Red Cross (http://www.redcrossvtnhuv.org/index.asp?IDCapitulo=44W8UXGL8L) but my congressman also sent me this great little site, a blog created to coordinate volunteer efforts and offers of housing, ways to donate, etc: http://vtresponse.wordpress.com/

As you may have guessed from my time in Peace Corps and AmeriCorps, volunteering is a really big deal to me, and it's killing me that I can't be there for my friends and neighbors to shovel some mud and haul some sand bags.  Since I can't, I am begging those of you that can to help in any way you choose.

I don't think I ever thought I would be sitting here in the beautiful Caribbean dreaming of shoveling mud back home, but life surprises you sometimes. 

Outside of that I have had plenty of other little excitements.  My mother came down for a whirlwind birthday weekend of fun and we adventured around the down town, spent a day in St. John, and laid on the beach.  It was such a pleasure to be able to share my new home with my mom, I've never had many visitors at all the crazy places I move to so this was a particularly special treat.  Somehow the place seemed more magical when I was explaining it's virtues to her than it ever had before. 

I have also begun the job hunting process once again.  It seems I'm always "starting a serious job hunt" for about a month or 6, right up until I find something else temporary and exciting that distracts me from growing up and getting a big kid job.  That being said I'm (hopefully) once again on the big kid job hunt, so if you find anything feel free to send it my way.  I am being picky about my jobs this time around - #1 I want to be outside as much as possible at work.  #2 I like to work hard, in fact I love it if I am completely exhausted at the end of a day at work.  #3 I would ideally like to find a job I can feel proud of - something to do with helping people, animals, or the environment would be best, but I'll settle for one that avoids hurting any of those things if I have to.  I have had a lot of jobs I did and didn't enjoy and I think my travels and transiency have taught me a lot about what I want in a home and in a job, so even though the job market is still pretty terrible I think I'm going to take my time and be picky.  I have plenty of wonderful adventures to keep me busy in the mean time.

Anyway that's my life at the moment, a little Caribbean island hopping, a little momma visiting, a little beach laying, a lot of hours spent in this office.  Not half bad.